Friend asks for babysitting help before baby arrives
A reader named Eleanor writes to The Guardian asking how to support a pregnant friend without feeling pressured into unwanted childcare duties.
Reader fears repeating past pattern
Eleanor states she is happy for her best friend who is having her first child. She admits she is not good with babies and has issues from being told to babysit as a teenager. Her fiance will also be asked to help care for the newborn eventually. She worries about responding without coming off as a total jerk if the friend requests assistance.
Expert says pattern has not repeated
The columnist notes that the imposing pattern from Eleanor adolescence has not actually repeated yet because the friend has not asked for help. We do not know yet whether the pregnant woman will request babysitting or if she expects automatic love around kids. The new person is a particular individual who will grow to have a relationship with over time. Babies vary as much as adults and may be curious or quiet depending on their specific nature.
Advice focuses on curiosity and openness
One way to be supportive is to approach the new chapter with curiosity and openness rather than fear. Eleanor suggests leaving space wide open to see what fills it instead of guarding against negative possibilities. Another option is becoming the friend anchor to her life before she became a parent. This allows at least one person to come to see the mother rather than just the baby.
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